My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
