i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
