We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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