yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
