All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
