He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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