I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
