Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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