I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
