I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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