i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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