Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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