apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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