We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
