I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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