Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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