I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
