and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
