her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
