Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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