Green mimosas i think yes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
