I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He better not be in your backpack
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
