Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
are you so shy because you have an std?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
