I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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