I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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