ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
