So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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