pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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