singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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