I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bring money and cleavage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
