Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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