Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
