Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
