so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
