Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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