is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
