Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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