I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
