I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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