My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
