I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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