my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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