if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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