I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
