we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
