Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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