I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
