Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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