On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
