I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
