Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
