Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
